It should've been about me all along (second free write)

I've had a lot of time to think and today i learned something and it's -if you can't fit in, dont force it... find another location... i've found that other 'location'.

I can't believe I was really stressing myself so much the other day. so much unnecessary stress and time wasted! smh
i found that im comfortable with myself. I can't get along with everyone in the world and i'm okay with that. I spent way too much time worrying about what other people think.

There is a line between the other 3 interns and myself, a line thats been drawn since day one and has thickened since then. There is no rule that says we have to be "kokot a figaro" (Haitian Creole equivalent to 'best buddies'). We can just be ‘associates’. I wish it werent the case but it seems inevitable.

i try, i really do, but it seems the harder i try the worse it gets for me and the further i push them away. soooo im going to stop trying. it's probably best anyway. That way theres less stress for me and less awkward moments for them.

So today i spoke to some first years and we got along just fine. I realized that I’m not stuck in a room with my fellow interns, the door is wide open and I can make friends outside of Northgate A203-204. Smh I still can’t believe it took so long for me to realize that! This whole time I’ve been thinking “we HAVE to get along, we HAVE to get along” and in fact, no we don’t.

We had an…emotional conversation the other day and things are kind of getting better. I like it this way. And to keep it the way it is, I will stay at a distance and create some breathing space. I’ve been suffocating them this whole time trying to find some commonalities, they need some time off from me and that’s just what im going to give them… for better or for worse.

I don’t know. This is a free write so it isn’t edited or calculated (which, actually, is the case for all of my blogs! Ha) but this especially. Im just writing and posting whats on my mind right now… what-evs

Things are looking good for me though. Who knows, maybe I’ll enjoy the rest of the summer after all (because, honestly, just the other day I thought this was going to be the summer from hell)
Im happy now… or maybe satisfied is a better word
Im satisfied now. And that’s all that matters