FOR THE RECORD: Ta va's MTC experience

MBPT

2009-06-29T20:14:00.000-07:00

My personality type is apparently ISFJ
It said:
" You are:

slightly expressed introvert
slightly expressed sensing personality
moderately expressed feeling personality
moderately expressed judging personality"

I read about it and not everything is completely true but there are some things that fit me PERFECTLY ( and when i say perfectly i mean PERFECTLY!)

-ISFJs make pleasant and reliable co-workers and exemplary employees, but tend to be harried and uncomfortable in supervisory roles

-While their work ethic is high on the ISFJ priority list, their families are the centers of their lives. ISFJs are extremely warm and demonstrative within the family circle--and often possessive of their loved ones, as well. When these include Es who want to socialize with the rest of the world, or self-contained ITs, the ISFJ must learn to adjust to these behaviors and not interpret them as rejection. (yep! just so happens that the other interns are E and Ben is an IT)

-Being SJs, they place a strong emphasis on conventional behavior (although, unlike STJs, they are usually as concerned with being "nice" as with strict propriety); if any of their nearest and dearest depart from the straight-and-narrow, it causes the ISFJ major embarrassment...Over time, however, ISFJs usually mellow, and learn to regard the culprits as harmless eccentrics :-). (haha! eccentric lol but this is sooooo true though!)

-Like most Is, ISFJs have a few, close friends. They are extremely loyal to these, and are ready to provide emotional and practical support at a moment's notice. (However, like most Fs they hate confrontation; if you get into a fight, don't expect them to jump in after you. You can count on them, however, run and get the nearest authority figure.) (yup!)

AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST! ... lets just say MOST IMPORTANTLY

-One ISFJ trait that is easily misunderstood by those who haven't known them long is that they are often unable to either hide or articulate any distress they may be feeling. For instance,…An adult ISFJ may drive a (later ashamed) friend or SO into a fit of temper over the ISFJ's unexplained moodiness, only afterwards to explain about a death in the family they "didn't want to burden anyone with." Those close to ISFJs should learn to watch for the warning signs in these situations and take the initiative themselves to uncover the problem.

Amen to that!

GWood!

2009-06-25T06:40:00.000-07:00

Despite the unbearable heat and sitting in a CAR smelling of vomit for half the time in that heat, the trip to Greenwood was actually pretty fun (also, minus the emergency room part. But even then we made the best of it). We took lots of beautiful pictures, saw some cool stuff (i.e. the board dedicated to ms. Harris), and ate some good food. But the heat! It was waay too hot to spend more than 15 minutes outside. After a while I always managed to run to the car, inside a building, or under a tree in the shade.

One of the most hysterical parts of the trip was seeing these crazy hairstyles! People in Greenwood seriously have an interesting sense of taste. We saw two women with the craziest hairdos and, i tell ya, that is aalll we needed to make our day! Remembering them right now makes me chuckle a little bit.

Speaking of which, it was also the day after I got my hair did. I was definitely strutin' mah stuff hahaa - if youre a female you get it, if youre a male never mind and just keep reading lol

Of course, the not-so-fun part of the day was seeing Asia get from bad to worse and having to bring her to the ER. It was kinda scary, ESPECIALLY because Ben just completely fliped for some reason and started panicking out of nowhere. I feel like the best way to take care of a sick person is to remain calm so that your fears are not noticed by the person who is sick- because that just makes things worse.
I noticed that Ben gets really overprotective when it comes to this stuff. Watching him in the ER i turned to Kelly and said "Yo, look at Ben". She looked and we smiled (or laughed ha). Thats why it was not a surprise to me when i was told that the nurse thought Ben and Asia was a couple! hahaa that was too funny.

YEa well that was my day in greenwood. Special thanks to Crystal and Ms. Harris... and Ben (i guess - ha) for making that day possible.

Poem that sums MTC experience so far

2009-06-16T19:31:00.000-07:00

Ring
Class, lunch, laughs
Honk
Room, eat, smile

*snap*

(lol)

process of writing my poem ha

2009-06-16T19:29:00.000-07:00

Ben needs some entertainment in that office
So he asks us to amuse him with a poem about our experience
Well everything is fine Ben,
In fact today I learned the importance of giving distance.

What’s this with teachers wanting students to write poems
I’m not creative in that way
I’ve already written blogs about what’s happened so far
I have nothing left to say

hahaa Ok ok that was a joke. Let me try to be serious now

Ring
Class, lunch, laughs
Honk
Room, eat, cry

A poem can be that short right. Hahaa im sorry im not a poet!

It should've been about me all along (second free write)

2009-06-16T18:18:00.000-07:00

I've had a lot of time to think and today i learned something and it's -if you can't fit in, dont force it... find another location... i've found that other 'location'.

I can't believe I was really stressing myself so much the other day. so much unnecessary stress and time wasted! smh
i found that im comfortable with myself. I can't get along with everyone in the world and i'm okay with that. I spent way too much time worrying about what other people think.

There is a line between the other 3 interns and myself, a line thats been drawn since day one and has thickened since then. There is no rule that says we have to be "kokot a figaro" (Haitian Creole equivalent to 'best buddies'). We can just be ‘associates’. I wish it werent the case but it seems inevitable.

i try, i really do, but it seems the harder i try the worse it gets for me and the further i push them away. soooo im going to stop trying. it's probably best anyway. That way theres less stress for me and less awkward moments for them.

So today i spoke to some first years and we got along just fine. I realized that I’m not stuck in a room with my fellow interns, the door is wide open and I can make friends outside of Northgate A203-204. Smh I still can’t believe it took so long for me to realize that! This whole time I’ve been thinking “we HAVE to get along, we HAVE to get along” and in fact, no we don’t.

We had an…emotional conversation the other day and things are kind of getting better. I like it this way. And to keep it the way it is, I will stay at a distance and create some breathing space. I’ve been suffocating them this whole time trying to find some commonalities, they need some time off from me and that’s just what im going to give them… for better or for worse.

I don’t know. This is a free write so it isn’t edited or calculated (which, actually, is the case for all of my blogs! Ha) but this especially. Im just writing and posting whats on my mind right now… what-evs

Things are looking good for me though. Who knows, maybe I’ll enjoy the rest of the summer after all (because, honestly, just the other day I thought this was going to be the summer from hell)
Im happy now… or maybe satisfied is a better word
Im satisfied now. And that’s all that matters

Letters from Mississippi (06.15.09)

2009-06-16T12:41:00.000-07:00

“I am not ashamed to use the word right now, for I feel very attached, very loyal to the common but infractable bits of passion and affection and desire and appreciation and enjoyment and loyalty that are what it comes down to, if one lives for any reason other than to keep from dying. Tell everyone I’m well and that if they want me to go back to Harvard in the approved style, they simply do not understand.” - 153

“We sang on mightily “Ain’t going to let no jailing turn me around.” - 94

“If they don’t believe in integration, how come they’s so many half-white Negroes around? - somebody’s been integrating for a long time.” - 195

“[Hollis Watkins] got about 14 Negroes to go to the court house with the intention of registering to vote. Sheriff Smith greeted the party with a six shooter drawn from his pocket, and said “Okay, who’s first?” Most of the Negroes remained cautiously quiet. After several seconds a man who had never before been a leader stepped up to the Sheriff, smiled and said, “I’m first, Hartman Turnbow.” -90-91

I’ve always wanted to have a connection with the history of Black Americans. In fact, it’s one of the reasons I was looking forward to spending my summer in Mississippi. I’ve seen movies and documentaries and heard stories and all but, for some reason, nothing compares to reading the letters from this book. The amount of courage and passion these people had back then amazes me. They chose their words wisely- kind yet stern. Their perspectives are somehow unlike what any movie director can reenact. The idea that some of them have written these letters in the worse conditions (i.e. prison) and still have that much hope left astonishes me. It’s amazing. They are amazing

Video blog... is this allowed?

2009-06-16T12:28:00.000-07:00

I have nothing more to say

2009-06-11T20:32:00.001-07:00

Urgh! been asked to write another one of those 'how is it so far' blogs
i guess if things were going bad i'd actually want to write this, but since i dont i guess thats a good thing- it means i have nothing to say because nothing is out of the ordinary, everything is cool, nothing to complain about...

JOE SWEENEY is hilare! i know that was maaad sudden but I just remembered, for some reason, a funny comment he made today. ha!

I like this internship so far. I loove the fact that I get to be in the summer school so often. Not only because I like it a lot (the people, the job) but also because it benefits me when it comes to my final project. oh shoot! the final project proposal is due tomorrow damn! another thing i have to do before the day ends tomorrow...

I made plantains today (yey) people said it was good- some liked it a lot but then again what else can they say when i'm glaring at them as they stuff a piece of the greasy chip into their mouths ha! no it probably was ok- better than the potential bread i "made" this morning at the school! haha but we not even gon' talk about that =) (sorry! :-/ )

How is MTC going so far.... hmmm i wanted to go home like 2 days ago not anymore though. but that feeling will probably come back soon... a year of college down and i'm still not accustom to being away from home for so long smh

every thing is going well, can't really complain...

"Who do you think we are?" Dr. Germain McConnell 06.04.09

2009-06-08T05:17:00.000-07:00

He asked, “Were you offended by something I said?” and I lied. I said no, that I wasn’t offended. But time to think of it, I really was. As he was speaking the following is what I wrote in my notepad:
“He describes poverty as if we don’t know (or > I <>

Before we met with him, I knew Dr. McConnell would be an interesting speaker. I’d seen him present and I saw him in one of the documentaries, there’s something about him that grabs my attention. Perhaps everything went wrong at one point because I had such great expectations of the outcome of his “speech” that when it wasn’t turning out like I expected I was confused and disappointed. Or maybe, like Ben suggested, I read too much into it- or maybe I didn’t.

Like every other speaker, Dr. McConnell was there to tell us about his life story (MS has a lot of stories to tell and the creator of this internship made sure we listen to as many as possible before we leave!) So I’m thinking, yes! I get to find out what shaped this man into what he’s become. He starts off by describing his mother as a strong black woman who raised him and his brother singlehandedly. McConnell told his family’s background explaining that his father, mother and her siblings had very low levels of education. He told us of the values he grew up with, his school experience, his interaction with different races, and, finally, he addressed his having lived in poverty.
It’s really hard to describe why I disliked how he addressed us. I felt like someone didn’t recognize me as their own. As if I was in an information session rather than just having a conversation. I felt like he would try to gain sympathy from me instead of empathy. He didn’t recognize me as someone who knows about roaches and dirt roads and not having many clothes. To me, he was speaking to someone completely oblivious to poor conditions. (Note that I wrote “me” instead of “us” because I apparently saw something no one else did.)
I therefore had to ask him if he knew who he was talking to, if he knew his audience, if he had the slightest idea about our background because it seemed like he didn’t. He said he makes no assumption. I was not asking him to assume, I was asking him to find out- to ask. I was offended because here I am sitting before someone who I can relate to in so many levels, but he doesn’t see that because to him we could have just as well been his congregation – a group of people with so many diverse backgrounds that asking about them would be too much work, might as well just draw a clean slate for everyone and think of them as people who know nothing of the topic at hand.
I loved Dr. McConnell because he asked us questions no one else other than Buck (who we spoke to afterwards) bothered to ask. I told him this the next morning, in an attempt to explain my somewhat “blunt” behavior. I told him how he humanized us, how he was selfless to me because that meeting was not only about him and his childhood but also about us and our passion. I also explained why I reacted the way I did but I don’t think he understood. He was not apologetic, he stood his ground that he makes no assumptions. And by that he may think it’s best because then he’ll never give too little information. I don’t think he see’s the other side, how too much information can offend a listener because by not assuming his/her background you are assuming he/she knows nothing- and that is insulting.

What's a tamale? John T. Edge 06.05.09

2009-06-08T05:16:00.000-07:00

OK why is Ben making us read about chicken? That was my first train of thought when I read the title of the article assigned before John Edge was to speak. When someone asks us what we’ve been doing as interns so far, a good portion of the answer has something to do with restaurants. We’ve been eating out quit a bit but I never thought we’d have a speaker come to talk to us about food in the south.
Edge kept what he had to say brief yet very informative. His entire presentation was about how “we value the food, we celebrate it but often times we don’t celebrate the people behind it.”
John Edge is of the four staff members of SFA who do “oral history work”. He studies people not just food. Edge uses a certain vocabulary when he speaks of food and cooks that I’ve never heard used in that sense before. For instance, he described the process of making bacon and ham as art. When he spoke of the bartenders he said “there is an art” to what they do. He presented the idea that the bartender has a life story to tell “from behind the bar”. Edge also connects his work to 10 Dollars an Hour. He explained that his job was about getting to know the lady behind the stove and to try to make sense of her story.
Edge expressed that what cooks do is “complex and smart”. He looks at everyday life and everyday cooking to help people understand the systems they use; for example, Edge told a story of how Southern restaurant or shop owners would raise their own pigs. Wood turns out to be more expensive than the pork itself so they would get free wood after storms and by offering to cut down threatening trees. They would also use open cardboard boxes as floor mats and throw them away at the end of the working day after having processed the meat so that they wouldn’t have to sweep. These are all very clever ways of budgeting for a business. I now understand why Edge describes it as “smart”.
The speaker also spoke about the importance of knowing where your food comes from. He described towns where customers know exactly how their food is processed. The words he used to describe these fresh foods are “natural and honest”. After having heard such a presentation, who wouldn’t want to boycott their local grocery stores!?

Ken 6.01.09

2009-06-02T17:43:00.001-07:00

Hmm Ken is a character… he really is. To be honest I wasn’t fond of him at first.
We were told before hand that his presentation would be done in a classroom setting, therefore we were prepared to do what we’ll normally do in class. When we got to the room he was waiting outside and handed us a worksheet, at the top he welcomed us to his class, told us to sit quietly and read until everyone was done- so that’s what we did. After everyone was done reading, the first thing he asked us to notice was how “obedient” we were and put a bad connotation to it. That immediately made me frown. So he didn’t have a good start from the jump in my book. He then proceeded, after having offended me, to teach us a lesson on the worksheet he’d given us. After he’d done that, I thought it was time for questions- I was wrong. The next thing he did was explain to us how the school system is training us, so-to-say, to work in factories and walmart and such- all things I agree with (I’ve read books that explained these same issues)… Still not a time to ask questions…
Ken seems in a rush to get this presentation over with, we later learn that he’s eager to play volleyball with his co-workers **confused face*. This man complains to us how the school system is so terrible that what they include in the books are not the whole story, he is frustrated that children (nationwide!) are not critical and simply take in information they are given without asking question, yet he is here (before very well educated and critical young women I must say) rushing through his lesson and not giving us a chance to interject- he didn’t even let us answer his questions at the end of the worksheet! He read them and answered them all himself. If it was that difficult for us to be part of this “class” I cannot imagine how hard it must be for insecure students to feel comfortable analyzing his lessons. He is essentially concerned about students being so ignorant that he can “make up a country” and they wouldn’t realize or ask question but at the same time he’s not allowing for them to be critical.
Shanika explained that she believes that the reason why students aren’t questioning what they’re being taught is because they don’t feel comfortable enough in the classroom to do so and Ken gave me the impression that he’s one of those teachers who doesn’t leave enough room for questions…

This is the impression I got at first. But then, after you started interjecting, Ben and perhaps after I got a little frustrated, he let us ask questions. When he let us do that I warmed up to him a bit. What he said made some sense, but I just needed to voice my disagreements (like how students being obedient is not the problem, them lacking critical skills is the problem) and when he didn’t leave space for me to do that I was annoyed but when he finally did I felt somewhat better…

Fav part: the end… when we got to ask questions

Dr. John Winkle! 06.01.09

2009-06-02T16:55:00.000-07:00

Dr. John Winkle! The Austin Sarat of Ole Miss! There was something about him that made him seem so down to earth and so extremely intelligent. He knows his field and, more importantly, he can effectively teach it to others. Really great speaker, I know that I’d enjoy sitting-in on any of his classes. Our meeting with him was actually like a class to me. He gave us worksheets with a timeline of important Supreme Court cases and briefly explained their importance. I really loved con. law when I was in high school so I can’t explain how much I enjoyed this mini lesson.
He told us about what went on behind the scenes during the Brown v Board case as far as the verdict, he spoke about how states did things like shutdown public schools, opened and supported private schools, and eliminated the compulsory school attendance law to overturn the decision in that case. What I learned from Dr. Winkle went beyond the nationwide court cases, he also spoke about the history of Mississippi and Ole Miss. I am now aware of so much more; like how MS was the last state to give in. He really showed us how everything is so “much more complex than what meets the eye.”
Fav part: Part about Supreme Court working extremely hard to get a unanimous decision
Dr Winkle somehow also made me realize some things about myself during his talk. I found that no matter how much someone may tell me stories about Black History it will remain just that- a story. I cannot relate or feel sorrow or any other emotional feeling every other black person seems to feel. It’s the same reason why I dislike it when black people blame their bad condition on the “white man”. I’ve never (knowingly) been discriminated against. Discrimination has always been a term I’ve only heard about. I am grateful that I don’t have to go through it but I think that deep down one of the reasons I was really looking forward to coming to MS is because EVERYONE warned me about racism down here. I wanted to meet a racist and simply listen and watch their actions, I wanted to go to a town where segregation is very obvious and has a direct negative effect on the community. Instead, what I’ve experienced so far are just extremely nice people who don’t seem to care about race at all (which is what I’ve been exposed to all my life). The only thing I have to go on so far is that most, in fact ALL of the workers I’ve seen on this campus are black. It saddens me but for some reason it isn’t enough for me to feel connected with what I’ve been learning so far (civil rights museum, Dr Mullins’ history lesson of MS, seeing bullet holes outside the building and Dr. Winkle’s explanation of court cases and what blacks had to go through to be equal under the law).
I feel terrible, like, as a black person, I’m supposed to feel a certain way but I can’t. It’s a shame but black history to me is just a good story with a (fairly) happy ending…

Barksdale 6.01.09

2009-06-02T16:13:00.001-07:00

Barksdale is the first speaker to make me start brainstorming topic ideas for my final project. His work is very interesting.
Listening to him speak I learned the importance of childhood education. When I (and possibly most people) think about the problems with the education system i think high school, drop out rates, funding, integration- basically everything but pre-k. Barksdale made me aware of how important it is for students to be ready and prepared before and when the enter kindergarten. I also learned about how children learn (disinterest in learning to read after the 3rd grade), the strategies of the teachers (dim lighting and warm rooms), and baby-sitting not teaching. It was the first time i'd ever heard about the studies (whose names escape me at the moment) made about the progress of students who have a decent pre-k education and those who don’t.
Barksdale introduced, to me, the idea that school can make up for what the children aren't getting at home. For years I kept hearing about how parents should be more involved in their children's education at home as well as in school. For the first time someone has showed me that it isn’t necessary and that school could take care of what the child is lacking in his home. It's an interesting idea... but the problem is- i'd call that baby-sitting.
Baby-sitting to me doesn't solely include nurturing the child, dressing him, and keeping him away from open fire. In my opinion, baby-sitting has to do with a third party doing every and anything the parent(s) should be doing- this includes speaking to the child in complete sentences, playing with him, engaging him in conversation etc... So if Barksdale says that school these days are baby-sitting not teaching and also says that school can take the responsibility of the parent as far as enhancing the vocabulary of the child, i feel like that’s contradictory. The latter is still considered baby-sitting because teachers are doing the job of the parent(s). The problem i see arising is that parents will now never take responsibility because they will depend on and expect the teachers and schools to do what they were supposed to be doing in the first place. The job is shifting from the parent to the teacher and i honestly don't think that's the way to go...
A question i'd ask Barksdale is why does he think his first approach failed (the one where teachers were asked to teach at different levels in the class room). When he told us about this proposal I immediately thought it wouldn't work because if a student takes too long to get it, the teacher will be stuck in that one spot and by the end of the year she can find herself still in the middle of the book. What's worse, if everyone is going at a different paste, by the end some would have learned more than others so that on state exams some students would get to a question on a topic they've never even heard of! My thing is that the state tests these kids under the impression that they are all on the same level and have all learned the same things. If the idea is not to move ahead when half the class doesn't understand a concept then what the teacher should do is stop the entire class (and not just that section) and have those who do understand it to help those who don't (a little peer teaching). So that by the end, the class would have moved forward as a whole as apposed to sections (that way no one would be left behind and no group would be called, for instance, "the slow group"). So yes Barksdale said that the idea failed, I wanted him to tell us why. To see if any of my predictions is true.

Fav part: The governor story (‘pre-k will increase teen pregnancy’)

So far at MTC 5.31.09 part 2

2009-05-31T08:36:00.001-07:00

Barnes, on the other hand, i liked because of his story. He had a really fascinating (and complicated!) childhood and it was very interesting to listen to. Unlike the girls, i didn't get the impression that he was cocky, i just thought that he was good at what he does and he is very aware of it. Granted, some of what he talked about was a bit weird and uncomfortable for me to listen to (i.e. his killing habits!) but besides that i think he was good. I really wish i had a chance to film him! But because i didn't, depending on how everything goes, i'll probably ask to interview him for my final project. He's a real extraordinary character.

The civil rights museum was wonderful. I've seen the motel balcony in documentaries but I never thought i'd have a chance to see it in real life. The exibits were well put together (some more than others) and the 30 minute movie we watched was also a really good one.

Time and time again i find myself thinking that Jim Crow, Brown v Board, Martin Luther and anything that had to do with civil rights happened centuries ago but watching "The Witness" where MLK's friends are still around to tell the story, and having Mr. Barnes as a speaker reminds me that it hasn't been that long since this country was completely different from what we know it as today. There are still people around to tell what our history books dont include and that's what i appreciated most about our recent trips. I'm learning a lot in these first days and i can't wait to see what else is in store.

So far at MTC 5.31.09 part 1

2009-05-31T08:10:00.000-07:00

Wow it's already been 5 days! No school week has ever gone this fast! ha
It's been good so far, a few minor troubles but nothing I can't deal with... The food is great! The trips are great! I've never really had quit an experience like this before (as far as being in a completely different state) so it's taking a while for me to process it all but i'm getting there...
We also had some good speakers. I don't know, I seem to disagree with what my fellow interns have to say about them. I get a totally different vibe/impression from the speakers than they do. My favorites so far are Tucker and Barnes.
Tucker was really down to earth, had a lot to say, and was very interesting to listen to. He's field is one I'm very passionate about. Some of the things he was saying really hit home (but i wont get into that).
I can't say I learned a ton from his 'talk' because a lot of what he said, i already knew (ex witnesses and confessions etc...). The reason why i like him isn't so much because of the information he was giving us but because of his opinion- his opinion was what i found interesting. So if i were to ask him a question, it would be an opinion question. And since i'd never heard of the Brewer case, i'd ask his opinion on that because we never really got a chance to talk about it...